Three Years of Living My Core Values

Three years ago this weekend (MLK weekend) I spent 3 nights at a bed in Breakfast at Carolina beach.  I thought about what was most important to me.  I got brutally honest with myself about what my core values were and were not.  I made a vision board of what I specifically knew I wanted to happen in the next year.  I didn’t entirely know what I was going to do but I promised myself I would put in my notice at work.  I had to let go of the career I’d spent 11 years in.  I made the promise to myself that I would begin living in alignment with who I was. 

John Burroughs said “Leap and the net will appear”.  The thing they don’t tell you about taking a leap of faith is that you can’t take just one.  You don’t make one bold brave move and then triumph or fail.  At least I didn’t, and I really don’t know anyone who has.  That would be too much like the movies.  Before I jumped I knew there was a possibility that the net wouldn’t appear. I had been preparing myself for the last 11 years and I knew it was past time to make a move.  I could hear wise words from my deceased maternal grandpa rumbling in my head “shit or get off the pot.”

For me there wasn’t a sign telling me it was time to head in a different direction, but I certainly prayed for one.  I was praying for something I knew I didn’t need.  I’d known that I was stubbornly pointed head first like a charging bull in the opposite direction of the path I was supposed to be on the whole time.  I think I was hoping I’d get a different life assignment, or at least an easier one.  After eleven years I was finally waking up to the fact that I’d ignored my own deep knowing for too long and I was now so completely out of alignment with myself that to get back into alignment I couldn’t simply change lanes, I’d have to do something crazy like jump.   

There was a huge possibility that I’d leap and fall head first into concrete and all of my deepest wounds would burst open out onto the street staining it not with blood but with the longings I’d had for freedom, growth, and creative expression that I’d been bottling up for so many years.  I was holding myself back with nagging fears that I let roam my mind like wild wolves.  Wild wolves polluting my brain with the fears that I wouldn’t be able to pull it off, that I wouldn’t be able to support myself, fear of plunging deeper into debt, going bankrupt and loosing my house.  Heck if I was going to catastrophize I might as well pin point my biggest fears and those were it. 

I clung to an assumption that if I made one of those big leaps like the crazy entrepreneur bloggers I read and follow on facebook, and instagram that 1 of two things would happen. 

A.    I’d crash and burn immediately

or

B.    I’d instantly catch air and soar. 

Neither of those assumptions is true. 

Eventually I leapt and since that first big bold leap, I’ve had to keep leaping.  Keep jumping over and over and over again before I even knew if I’d caught air and soared the first time.  I hadn’t even caught my breath from the first leap and I had to make another leap.

Each leap would strengthen my confidence by an inch or so, not much, but enough to get me through until I had to make another leap.  I started to learn to focus on the possibilities, solutions, and outcome I wanted.  If I allowed myself to wallow on the possibility that something wouldn’t happen I’d start to tumble towards the abyss.  Each time I leapt I had to focus on what I could learn in the process if failure seemed certain.  By focusing on the process it was as if I had a compass in my head that would help me point back towards north if I fell too far from the goal and didn’t hit the net.  With each leap I’m not less afraid, but I’m more comfortable with the risk and the fear and understand that they are a normal part of this process.

Over the last three years some of my core values have flourished, over the last three years I’ve been both happier than I could have imagined and more depressed than I ever could have imagined.  Entrepreneurship takes it’s toll.  Over the last three years on this journey or quest to stay in alignment with my core values, some of my worst fears have come true, but if I could go back to the me of three years ago, I would not make a different choice.  What I’ve learned has been priceless.  The people I’ve met, the experiences I’ve had the places I’ve gone the growth and development I’ve embraced have made me a much much better person than I was before and I am more in alignment with who I know myself to be. I’m more in touch with my intuition and I have no regrets.   

If you’re stuck in a job you don’t love, if you feel burnt out and irrelevant, if you’re nursing a dream to do something different than what you’re currently doing I want you to know your leap can start as small is saying I know I’m out of alignment.  You don’t have to right the ship by making a hard-right turn of the steering wheel, but you can’t stay frozen in the knowing that where you are isn’t right.   

If you’re feeling like…

• You’re stuck

• You need a change

• You don’t know where to start

Let’s talk.  Start with a conversation.  A Free 30 minute coaching call to see what’s possible and talk about why my Waking Wisdom coaching process could do for you.