5 Surprising Reasons Women Don’t Invest In coaching: Why you want to be the outlier

My favorite part of my work is one on one coaching with women.  It’s the place where I see the most “ah-has” and the most break throughs.  It’s the work that has the most powerful lasting effect on the clients I work with.  But when I look at the breakdown of my work, when I pie chart out where the majority of my clients work with me, it’s not the coaching.  In fact, the coaching is my least popular offering.   

Now don’t get me wrong there are a lot of brave women who do embark on that journey with me.  There are countless testimonials that I have from women who have worked with me and the power of the experience they had in the coaching.  Not to toot my own horn, but I’m skilled when it comes to women seeking clarity and growth, or women who need support through a transition, like a job change, retirement, or a newly empty nest.  I think one of my super powers is knowing how to ask questions and what to ask, and this can be a spark for clients that ignites powerful growth.

When I started my business, many people reminded and cautioned me that the research shows women are less likely than men (and not just less likely but significantly less likely) to invest in coaching.  I did go into this line of work knowing it would be difficult road, but hey when you’re called to do something you’re called to do it.  And I’m committed to living my truth and walking in alignment with my calling.  Just because a road is hard doesn’t mean you’re not supposed to walking it. 

I have spent a lot of time thinking about why anyone wouldn’t find a way to make this investment in themselves if the opportunity was presented to them and here are 5 of the reasons I think are the biggest barriers, there are more than 5 but these are the ones that stand out the most to me.   

1)    You’re afraid you’re going to make a big financial investment, and nothing will change.
Yes, coaching is expensive.  It’s that way for a lot of reasons, you’re not just paying for the amount of time you’re working with the coach, you’re also paying for their investment in the work, the countless trainings, classes, and hours they’ve put in to be able to do this work with you.  But also it needs to be a significant investment so that you’ll treat it as the weighty work it is.  Let’s say find a pair of jeans that you love, maybe a designer pair of jeans, they cost more than you would normally spend on this article of clothing.  You are going to treat that pair of jeans better than you would the cheap pair you spent less on and don’t like as much.  Coaching is expensive by design, it makes sure that you have skin in the game.  Coaching is unique in that you are paying for deep questions, a system, and then you have to do the work.  So it’s scary because not only do you have to drop the money, but you also have to do vulnerable work to make the changes you desire. 

2)    It doesn’t feel like the right time:
Yes, there are times in your life when we have so much on our plate that there isn’t any breathing room to think.  But the truth is if we always waited for something to feel like the right time we might NEVER start taking the steps towards the life of our dreams.  We might never start working towards what is actually most important to us! Listen, no one else is going to create the space in your life for you.  If you want something, if you’re unhappy, stuck, or know you aren’t where you want to be you often have to deliberately make the time to do this work.  If something is important enough for you then you will make it a priority.  What could be a bigger priority then you?  The idea that you’ll have time one day is a myth.  We have to intentionally create space to make this happen. 

3)    Resistance to growth:
What could possibly be a bigger priority than your own personal growth?  Holtz said. “In this world you're either growing or you're dying, so get in motion and grow.”  An image that I come back to over and over is the monarch butterfly.  This beautiful creature starts as a caterpillar, caterpillars are larva, and in order for that caterpillar to become a magnificent butterfly that is strong enough to fly back to Mexico in its migration they must first turn completely to mush! You don’t just sprout wings, that’s not how it works.   One day you’re a caterpillar you build your own cocoon, and then completely turn to a mushy gel!  If that doesn’t sound frightening or painful I don’t know what does.  Then from that pile of goo you grow into a butterfly.  It’s that way with us too.  Think about the lowest time in your life?  That place where you felt like you were rolling around in the mud and shit.  I assure you that low place was fertilizer.  I get why you don’t want to go there voluntarily, but if you choose to stay a caterpillar you’re really in the process of dying, not of becoming who you’re meant to be, you can’t realize your full potential if you’re not willing to be extraordinarily uncomfortable and grow.

4)    It’s not always clear from the beginning what the return on investment will be. 
Coaching is abstract in that, you don’t necessarily know where you’re actually going when you begin or what the outcome might be for you when you’re done.  There are a few things I can guarantee, you will get tools to assess where you are and where you want to be, then you will get more tools to move toward where you want to be, you will have support and a sounding board, you will most like be able to identify your core values and use them as a compass for decision making.  But beyond that it’s up to you and the amount of work you put in during the process.  That can be scary.  You have to be all in and you have to be willing to do the work and the outcome will be abstract.

5)    Fear of success. 
What if your wildest imagine is true?  What if you are more successful and more powerful than you could have ever imagined, then what?  Some of us are afraid that we might be more successful that we could have imagined.  Then what?  Have you been dreaming big enough?  What happens when you consistently follow through on what you said you would do? What would change and be different in your life? 

No matter where you are on your journey, life can feel tough.  Feeling stuck is hard, growing, changing, being vulnerable is hard.  The choice is yours, choose your hard.  Coaching is abstract and it will not guarantee you a specific outcome, but it will help you understand yourself, push yourself and grow faster than if you were trying to figure it out all alone.  You want to work with a coach because it’s always better together than alone.

If working with a coach has been on your mind, please tell me, what has stopped you from working with one so far?  Do these reasons resonate with you? 

I’m biased of course, but I think you want to be one of the outliers, you want to join the ranks of the women who have embarked on one on one coaching with me because those women are controlling what they can control, they are committed to growth and they are doing beautiful things in this world.   

Personally speaking, all of my good ideas began by me gifting myself the space to talk it out, or to pause intentionally and take the time to contemplate.  It helped when I had a skilled coach or facilitator to ask questions and reflect back to me what they were hearing.  That’s when I’ve grown the most and I promise you all good coaches work with a coach.

Will you be an outlier? 

If you’re trying to decide if coaching is right for you.  Then schedule a 30-minute discovery call with me.